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This period marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a detailed guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {